It's really important to keep everyone in the loop. In my experience people got the most upset when they felt left out. It is also a good way for you to get things off your chest. Let people know you're scared. Tell your friends and family when your appointments are and let them know if you feel like you want someone there with you. You have to let people know what you need because they will want to help and won't know what to do and that will scare and frustrate them. The people who care about you feel just as out of control as you do and need a path to walk too.

So I make my appointment and let my family know what's going on. My appointment was for the following Tuesday, my grandfather calls me to tell me that he'll be there Saturday. At first I was a little upset that he just went ahead and bought a plane ticket without asking me what I wanted. I was prepared to do this all by myself and how was I supposed to be brave and independent with my Papa there. When I went to pick him up at the airport and saw him coming through the terminal, I was never so glad to see anyone in my whole life. Screw being brave, I just wanted my Papa. My Papa was after all a doctor and he could be there to translate for doctor to Lisa. I knew that if he trusted my doctor so could I and that was important because for the most part I was going to have to deal with this on my own.

We went for the initial exam and sonogram, when they called my name and my Papa waited out side while I changed. My doctor came to the door and he said, "I'm Dr. Norman Alshan and that's my granddaughter in there." I can't tell you what a huge relief it was to have him in my corner. She was shocked that he had flown out from Florida for that appointment, I was not.

Before she started the exam she asked if I was comfortable with my Papa in the room; I mean of course I was he was after all a doctor, but that fact that she respected my feelings enough to ask put me a little more at ease. She did the exam and sonogram. Looking at the sonogram confirmed the mammogram, and they talked doctor for a while and then my Papa explained to me that even though they didn't have a tissue biopsy yet that it was clear that there was a 2 to 3 centimeter tumor in there and that it needed to come out. We went over my two options again and I let them know that I was absolutely sure I didn't want a mastectomy, no matter what kind of chemo I had to endure. I made the appointment for the tissue biopsy and my Papa and I went home.

For a while we just sat there and then I buried my face in my Papa's chest and cried, like I'd never cried before. I was so angry at G-d, I just wanted to scream! Why couldn't he just leave us alone! You see, my Papa's youngest child died of leukemia and as a doctor was powerless to save her. Years later my grandmother was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer and again was powerless. I can't even imagine what he must have been going through. So we sat there and got mad together, we cried, we pulled ourselves together and we went to dinner.

Having given my breast surgeon his seal of approval, my Papa went back to Florida until after my 1st surgery. I am glad he was able to come and meet her, without his confidence in her I would not have been able to trust her. His coming to that appointment made all the difference in the world. But I was still terrified of that biopsy.

The following week I went for the tissue biopsy. Remember it has now been 3 weeks and I still have no plan of action and I was just about at my wits end. I'm not quite sure what I expected but it was way weirder than I thought it would be. My doctor did a great job explaining what was going to happen, but once you see the needle they're going to stick you with all bravery goes right out the window. Now, it really wasn't too bad it's just that you are so scared and the needle is huge and the machine makes a weird sound. So there's this needle about the size of a number 2 pencil and its hollow, it's attached to a machine by a spiral wire. The doctor inserts the needle into the breast in several areas where the tumor is, once inside the machine makes a sound kind a hydraulic press and a mechanism inside the needle pulls out a sample of the tumor. The more samples they take the more accurate the test. Some parts of the tumor and surrounding tissue may test negative for cancer cells and if they don't get samples from a large enough area the diagnosis may be incorrect. My doctor took nine samples. I was a little sore afterwards, but it wasn't bad, the bad part was waiting for the results, which took a few days to get.

When the results came back there was really no surprise, I had stage II, grade III infiltrating ductal type carcinoma. Stage refers to the size of the tumor, at stage II the cancer (usually 2 to 5 cm in diameter) has usually spread to the lymph nodes under the arm. This stage also falls under the description of "early stage" breast cancer. Grade III is where the cells look very abnormal and show little or no resemblance to normal breast tissue. And as terrifying as all that sounds I could finally map out a plan of action with my breast surgeon and stop feeling powerless to this disease.

The plan was to do a lumpectomy to remove the tumor, a lymph node dissection to figure out if there was any lymph node involvement, install a Mediport (which is a catheter to the heart that allows the chemo to be administered more quickly and without having to tap a vein each treatment), chemo then radiation.

I think I forgot that breast cancer is the #2 killer of women in the United States and I was amazed at the amount of women waiting to see the doctor. When we think about breast cancer we don't think about women under 40, you're not even supposed to have your 1st mammogram until your 40. I forgot that cancer is an indiscriminate killer, and I was not the youngest person in the waiting room, not by a long shot. Remember to be patient, sometimes you have to wait a long time before you see the doctor. It's easy to forget that these women are just as scared as you and sometimes the doctor needs to take a little while long than anticipated.